Page 55 of Any Given Lifetime
When he grabbed another condom from the roll on the bedside table, Joshua moaned a little and said, “Neil, I’m too sore. I don’t think I can.”
Neil kissed his mouth as he pressed the condom into Joshua’s hand. He felt Joshua’s response under him, shaking with anticipation as understanding dawned. Neil didn’t have many regrets about fucking Derek for two years, mainly because it had refreshed his memory of sex and how to make it good, but right at the moment he regretted that he couldn’t in good conscience let Joshua screw him without a condom. He was almost certain he was free of STDs, but he couldn’t risk it.
Joshua whispered, “Let me get you ready.”
Neil nodded and let Joshua rise up to flip him over, surrendering to Joshua, giving himself over, and he hoped that Joshua would understand. He loved him. He didn’t know what else to do.
Another hour later, Neil passed a plate with a PB&J sandwich on it over the kitchen table to Joshua. He thought Joshua had gotten his message loud and clear, because there hadn’t been even the smallest hint of doubt on Joshua’s face since that slow, passionate joining. Neil closed his eyes, remembering vividly how the pressure of Joshua’s cock against his prostate had made him feel like he had to have a hand on his cock or he’d die, and the way he’d jerked himself off frantically as Joshua had fucked into him, taking his time. Joshua hadn’t been able to come again, but he’d kissed Neil with so much tenderness and love that Neil had nearly lost it, still feeling vulnerable and open from being fucked, and from his fourth orgasm of the day.
They still hadn’t talked about what they were doing, what happened next, or anything like that. Neil wasn’t sure when they would, but he knew the subject had to be broached. The sooner, the better. They were both busy men and had people who relied on them. They couldn’t live in this in-between world of discovering each other for long.
Neil sat down gingerly on the opposite side of the small table and took a bite out of his sandwich, ravenous.
Joshua smiled at him. “Still have terrible table manners, huh?”
“What are you talking about? I’m the epitome of politeness.”
“Right.” Joshua cleared his throat and took a sip of water. “So…I guess we should talk.”
Neil nodded, taking another bite of sandwich. He spoke around the wad of peanut butter and bread, “Sure. But let me warn you—I don’t have a clue, either. I mean, I was born this way. That’s all I know.” Neil shook his head, feeling frustrated that he didn’t have more to offer Joshua than that.
“Who knows about this? Aside from me—and Derek,” Joshua’s voice held a strange note, and Neil looked up, curious.
“My mother. That’s it.”
“Your mother. Of course.” Joshua nodded, but his eyes were off to the side. “You must have a lot of faith in him—Derek—to tell him something this strange.” Joshua’s tone was one of forced casualness, and Neil blinked.
“He’s my friend. Probably the only friend I’ve ever had. This time around, anyway,” Neil said. “But that’s all he is.”
“A friend,” Joshua said, taking a bite of his sandwich and looking around the apartment. “And that’s it?”
Neil felt a flutter of anxiety in his chest. He frowned and said, “You only just showed up on the scene today. I didn’t expect you here today, much less in naked in my bed, so…yes. I messed around with my roommate.” His voice pitched up nervously, betraying him. “Is that going to be a big problem?”
“Neil, I just…I need to know—”
“You’re the only one I want,” Neil said in a rush. He wasn’t about to play coy now. That would be ridiculous. “He’s my friend, but if it’s between you and him, or hell, you and anything in the world, I’ll take you. Every time. I’ve waited my whole life to be with you. I’ve wanted you forever. I can’t be more clear, Joshua.”
Joshua looked shell-shocked again, and then he leaned forward and said, “I need to know everything. Start at the beginning.”
“Well, it all started out with the Big Bang, and after a few hundred thousand years, galaxies started to form—”
“Neil.”
“Honestly, that about sums up what I know. It’s all so much mumbo jumbo.” Neil smiled and felt a bubble of laughter in his throat, and he was relieved to see it echoed in Joshua’s expression. “But, okay, give me a starting place. What do you want to know?”
“Did you always know?”
“Yes.”
Joshua’s eyebrows went up. “Really? Always?”
“Always. My first memory from this life is from before I could walk. I was angry—enraged—wanting you, knowing how scared you must be, and wanting to get back to you.”
“Oh my God.” Joshua’s voice was quiet.
“Yeah. Tell me about it. Alice—my mother—she had it pretty rough dealing with me growing up. I wasn’t normal. She put up with a lot.”
“I’m sure she loves you.”
