Page 61 of Adrift Without You
“It’s okay, you can tell me.” I nod, trying to encourage her.
“He said, ‘we can stay late after work tomorrow and you can eff me on my desk.’ But he didn’t say eff, he said the actual word.”
“Jesus, I’m sorry you had to hear that. But maybe this is good news. Papa might be happy to let me go. It must be someone at his law firm.” I try to think who it could be before remembering it’s not important right now. “Areyouokay?”
“I feel bad that Papa’s cheating on you, but I’m happy we’re leaving. I wish we’d left years ago. I love Papa, but I don’t like the way he treats people, especially you.” Lu stands and places a peck on my cheek. “Do you mind if I go upstairs and get my homework done before dinner?”
“Of course not. Thank you, Lu. I’m so happy you’re coming with me.” I watch her walk away, a little shocked at how easily she’s taken the news.
Before James gets home from work, I move my clothes and personal items into the downstairs guest suite to make separating in the house go as smoothly as possible. Later in the evening, when he heads upstairs to shower, I know it’s time to face the inevitable. I’m physically ill with fear, praying this doesn’t turn into world war fucking three.
When I enter the ensuite bathroom, James is frowning at the half-empty double vanity.
“Where are all your things, Kyle?” he asks, looking at me in the reflection.
“James, we need to talk.”
He turns to face me, eyes narrowing. “What’s going on?”
“Can we sit down please?” I walk back into our bedroom, taking a seat in one of the armchairs by the window.
James takes the other. “Well?”
I try to keep my voice calm and steady. “We need some time apart. I haven’t been happy, and I think separate bedrooms would be good. For a while, at least.”
James’s face flushes a fiery red, his eyes turning cold. “Are you fucking around behind my back?” he accuses.
“No, it’s nothing like that,” I say, shaking my head. “I just need some space. To think.” I ready myself for a fight, my muscles tensing.
James rises to his feet and stands over me. “If I find out you’ve been fucking around, you won’t get a goddamn dime of mine. And you can forget about getting custody of Lucinda. If you think a judge is going to award custody to a crazy fuck like you, then you are sorely mistaken.”
Trust James to jump two steps ahead. He used to throw his weight around like this when I tried to leave years ago, but now things have changed, and I’m not taking this lying down.
The rage inside me rises so fast it’s fucking scary.
Standing abruptly, I slam James up against the window so hard the glass almost shatters. My hands are around his throat before I realise what I’m doing, my face mere centimetres from his. “I’ll fucking kill you if you try to take my daughter away from me. And as you just pointed out, I’m crazy enough to do it.” I release him and step back, chest heaving.
James remains chillingly in control, then suddenly breaks into a sadistic laugh. Stopping just as quickly, his face twists into an ugly snarl. “You ever lay a finger on me again and you’ll find out exactly who you married.”
I huff. “I’ve known exactly who I fucking married for a very long time.” I turn and walk out of the room before I do something I’ll regret.
“You’ll be back in this bed the moment you want something!” he yells after me, but I’m already halfway down the stairs.
When I reach the guest bedroom, my body is shaking uncontrollably. Shutting myself inside, I allow the rage to explode, punching the wall. Pain shoots up my arm, but I punch again and again, my fist breaking through the drywall. Tears sting my eyes, and I turn, exhausted, sliding down the wall until I slump onto the floor.
I lose track of time as tears soak my cheeks, but eventually I become aware of the pain in my hand. Pushing to my feet, I retrieve the first aid kit and some painkillers, bringing them back to the guest bedroom. My knuckles are split and swollen and bloody, so I clean them first before taping up my hand. I swallow two painkillers, clean the blood off the wall, then creep upstairs to check on Lu.
She’s sound asleep, and I notice the light is off in the master bedroom. On my way back down to the guest bedroom, I grab an ice pack.
Stripping off my clothes, I climb into bed, feeling old and weary. I never changed the sheets after my night with Bren, and I swear I can smell him. It’s comforting and torturous in equal measure.
Burying my face in the pillow he slept on, I replay the night again in my mind—holding him, kissing him, making love to him. I start to drift off to sleep with the memories of Bren’s lips upon my own, tasting him, feeling his tight heat sheathing me and his hands clinging to the muscles of my back. Those beautiful mahogany brown eyes meeting mine, and those sacred words spoken on a whisper: ‘I love you, too.’
I spend the next weekend buying furniture and supplies for the new house. James isn’t speaking to me, so it’s easy to get things done without him knowing what I’m up to. The moving company is already booked, and I’ve organised the utilities to be turned on.
Dr. Riley is keeping tabs on me, but, honestly, I feel good. In fact, I think I’m finally growing up and taking control of my life. Most importantly, I’m one step closer to proving to Bren that I’ve changed.
On Sunday afternoon, I walk into the local pub and almost cry with relief when I see Nathan sitting at the bar. We arranged to meet a few days ago, but I wasn’t sure if he would turn up.
