Page 13 of The Lover
It was happening again. He was asking me out again.
I thought of Jake driving all the way to school to yell at me about the money, and what his real motivations were. I thought about the kiss. I thought about who I wanted to be spending my time with… and it wasn’t Kevin.
“Sorry. I’m… involved with someone right now.”
“That’s cool. Maybe you’ll let me know when you’re not.”
Doubtful. “Maybe,” I lied.
Kevin got up and left, seemingly unscathed from being shot down again. I knew this because I saw him walk up to another girl in the library who was also studying alone.
I went back to reading, not really reading, about statistics.
And missing Jake. I guess I had my own patterns too.
* * *
That next Sunday night
“You kissed me.”
This was the result of pressure from Denny and Maryanne. I told them about Kevin asking me out, and told them I had said no. And why. They were convinced the time had come, and I needed to confront Jake directly about his intentions. I suppose I knew it, too.
Jake huffed. “Hello to you too. That was a few weeks ago. Why are you bringing it up now?”
“I need to know what it means, Jake. That guy I told you about, the one from the bookstore, his name is Kevin and he asked me out again. I said no.”
There was silence on the other end of the line.
“Let me be clear. I said no because of you. Should I be saying no because of you?”
More silence.
“Jake? This is important. This might be the most important thing we ever say to each other.”
* * *
Jake
“Jake? This is important. This might be the most important thing we ever say to each other.”
She was right. She’d been gone for two and half months, and the pain of not having her here wasn’t going away. I waited like a man dying of thirst every week to answer the phone on Sunday night. Frankly, I hated it. Feeling like this.
I drove myself crazy thinking about kissing her, fucking her. Crazier still thinking about her with other guys.
Suddenly it all made sense.
“Yes.” It felt good to say it.
“What?”
“Yes. You should be saying no. I don’t know what this means, Ellie. I’m… not sure where this is going. But damn it… I don’t want you dating anyone while we figure it out.”
“Okay.”
“This is selfish as hell. Probably the most selfish thing I’ve ever done.”
“Yep.”
