Page 80 of Replay
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Xane stood outside Spook’s suite with his back to the door.He was achy hard.So damn hard that his jeans weren’t concealing anything and his breath was catching in his throat after every exhalation.Even that small degree of movement was practically sensory overload.He rested his head and shoulders against the wood at his back, and let out a long, long breath.
He was on the wrong side of the door.
The way things had been headed could do untold damage, and yet, here he was.After what had happened to Steve, and then Elspeth… Yeah… He was on the wrong fucking side of the door.
He heard a thud, followed by a cry, and his hand immediately leapt to the door knob.Walking away from this just wasn’t an option.Maybe he couldn’t fix it, but he could help.There was no doubt in his mind that he could do that.
Key card in one hand, he typed a message into his phone with the thumb of his other.
I’m about to do something you won’t like.
He fired it off to both Luthor and Dani.Then he put his phone on silent and tucked it away in his pocket before either of his lovers responded.It wasn’t intended as a discussion.It was a factual courtesy.Spook needed him.That was the thing that mattered.He’d deal with the repercussions later.
Spook lay on the floor in the same spot he’d been standing in when Xane had exited.His back curled like a comma, and his hands were clamped fast over his ears.A low keening noise assaulted Xane’s senses, as he hurried over.“Spook.”He bent on one knee.
His friend’s baby blues snapped open and stared at him.“Xane,” he croaked, reaching up with one hand that Xane readily clasped.Ten years on and Spook Mortensen was still the same pretty broken thing he’d been entranced by that day all those years ago.And he was still being ridden by the same demons.
“There are all these voices.I just want them to stop.”
Xane nodded, hating the deep agony of Spook’s pleas.
“Make them go away.”
“Man, I wish I were that great a magician.”People often talked about superpowers, and what ability they’d have if one could decide; teleportation, telepathy, enormous strength, invisibility, the power to freeze time.What Xane desired was the ability to take away pain.Even if he had to experience it for himself while he was stealing it, he thought that would be the best sort of superpower to have.Watching those you loved suffer was too fucking soul-destroying.“What do you need from me?What can I do?”
Tension rolled off Spook’s body.He was alive with fear and need.Agitation had a stranglehold on his throat, and his eyes were wild, the pupils blown wide, his gaze restless.“I don’t know.I’m dangerous.Unsafe to be around.”
“That’s not true.”
“I’m out of control.”
Xane bowed lower and pushed his hand into the golden strands of Spook’s hair below his ear.“You’ve smashed a few things.We all have Hulk moments.”
“Look at what I’ve done to you.”
That wasn’t necessary, Xane could feel the “damage” pulling at his nerve endings.The irritation gave him a sort of low-level buzz.“Get over yerself.I’m kinda sorry you stopped.”The confession made Spook sit up.His eyes lit like twin lilac flames.Gas canisters, that’s what they always reminded Xane of, burning fierce and bright.
“You can’t say that sort of thing.”
The hell he couldn’t.He believed in the truth, and honesty, even if that sometimes made life damned awkward.“Being bitten turns me on, Spook.Don’t pretend you don’t know that.I know you know that.I’m not going to stop you if the urge strikes you again.”
“Shit!”Spook raised his outstretched arm, palm aloft, while he made a crab-like scuttle backwards.The inconvenient sofa placement stopped him getting very far.“Don’t say that.”
“What?Would you rather I lied?”
Spook’s lips parted, and his tongue pressed fast to the sharp edge of his upper right canine.“Maybe.I don’t know.For fuck’s sake, Xane, I can’t deal with any more shit right now.Please, the last thing I need is you playing with me.”
“Who’s playing?”
“You are, and it’s a crazy dangerous game.Xane, there’s too much at stake.”
Xane closed up the gap between them, crawling on hands and knees.“I’m not playing.”
Spook raised his hands and batted him away.“You’re apparently not thinking straight either.If we…” He shook his head.Kept on shaking and shaking it.“How many people would that hurt?How selfish would it make me?”
It was hard to say precisely.Some.Or possibly none at all.Maybe they’d understand, and if they didn’t, maybe Xane would be more infuriated than regretful over that fact.One of the things he hoped those he’d given his heart to understood, was that he cared deeply about his friends.They mattered.And he’d do whatever was in his power to help them.“Spook, you’re the least selfish person I know.Also, you’re hurting now.”He could see the crystalline fragility of Spook’s mind as if it were a glass shard lying right before him with a hammer poised over it set to fall.“The way I see it, that makes you the current priority.”
