Page 31 of The Shape of Your Heart
It’s an hour later by the time I drive to Wadebridge. I try to order in my mind what I want to say to Nathan when I see him next, my mind filling with images of what he could do with the land. If he wants my help, maybe I’ll work for him. After a year of feeling removed, life is calling to me again.
Parking in the town, I walk the short distance to the narrow street where Liam’s mother lives. It’s cobbled; the deceptively narrow houses bely the generous proportions that lie inside. Knocking on the door, I’m slightly trepidatious as I stand there. But when she opens it and sees me, her face lights up.
‘Callie, dear!’
‘Hi, Marion.’
‘This is the loveliest surprise.’ After kissing me on the cheek, she stands back to let me in. ‘You are coming in, aren’t you?’
‘If you’re not busy?’ As I go inside, I give her the flowers I bought on the way here, from Lily’s farm shop.
‘Not this afternoon. These are lovely, thank you.’
I follow her along the passageway to the large kitchen at the back of the house. It has a view on to her garden and large windows that let the light flood in, but there’s an undeniable sense of sadness. I try to distract myself. ‘Your garden looks pretty.’ The borders are neatly kept and full of colour; the rose bush Liam and I gave her for her birthday one year is covered in soft pink blooms.
‘Have you seen your rose? It’s been flowering for months.’
‘It’s lovely.’ Remembering the day Liam and I bought it together, I swallow the lump in my throat.
‘Would you like tea?’
‘I’d love tea.’
The house is filled with memories, memories that assail me: the stories Liam told me about his childhood here; the lunches we’ve had with Marion; how happy she was when we told her we were getting married.
Coming over to the table, she places two mugs on it. ‘Still black no sugar?’
I nod. ‘Thank you.’ I hesitate before I ask, ‘How are you?’
‘There are good days and bad days.’ Her eyes glisten. ‘I’m sure it’s the same for you. But on the whole, not so bad.’
‘I miss him.’ My voice trembles. ‘I think no matter how much time passes, I will always miss him.’
‘I know,’ she says gently. ‘We both will. But that’s what happens when you love someone and they’re not here any more.’ She pauses. ‘So how have you been?’
I’m silent for a moment. ‘For the last year, I haven’t done anything much except relive the time we spent together a thousand times over. It’s been like trying to stay afloat in an ocean of grief. But… some days, at least, it’s like the waves are getting smaller. And I’ve started something new. I’m helping someone with their garden.’
‘That’s a really good thing,’ Marion says quietly.
Her face blurs as I gaze at her. ‘I’ve felt so guilty – about being here when Liam isn’t, or about doing anything new.’ Tears roll down my cheeks.
‘Grief does that to us.’ She smiles sadly. ‘It makes us hold tightly on to what we’ve lost – except we can’t, because it isn’t there any more. But going forward, you have a life to live, Callie. Liam wouldn’t have wanted you to forget that.’
‘Easier said than done.’ I wipe away my tears. ‘But I do know that.’
‘Today was never going to be easy, was it?’ This time, it’s her voice that wavers.
‘Today?’ I stare at her.
She looks surprised. ‘It’s Liam’s birthday.’
Shocked, I shake my head. ‘Don’t you mean tomorrow?’
‘I don’t think so, dear.’ Marion looks puzzled. ‘Today’s the 17th. I’m sure it is.’
Checking my phone, I realise she’s right; that with everything else that’s been going on, I’ve lost track of time.
* * *
