Page 60 of The Shape of Your Heart
I shake my head. ‘That’s for you to work out.’
He glances around. ‘I have something for you, too. I was going to wrap it, but seeing as you’re here…’ Going over to the table, he puts down the tray of primroses and picks up a book. Coming back, he passes it to me. ‘I saw it in town and it made me think of the walk you’re doing. I hope you don’t have it?’
I feel a flicker of warmth as I gaze at the cover, taking in the title. ‘I don’t. It’s perfect.’ It’s about the Camino del Norte. ‘This is the exact route I’m planning to walk. Thank you.’ Reaching up, I kiss him on the cheek. ‘That’s a really cool present.’
Our eyes meet. ‘So are primroses.’
I smile again. ‘Ha! I bet you wouldn’t have thought that a year ago.’
He pulls a face. ‘A year ago, I wasn’t up to anything much.’
He’s clearly alluding to his illness again, but as always, he doesn’t explain.
Instead, he changes the subject. ‘Can I get you a drink?’
I hesitate. ‘A glass of wine?’
After he pours us a glass each, we sit on the sofa. ‘It’s nice being here again. You’ve made it really cosy.’ Glancing around, I take in the Christmas tree in the corner, the seasoned logs stacked either side of the wood burning stove.
‘It’s nice you being here,’ he says quietly. ‘The house is great in summer, but it makes a good winter house, too.’
Studying him, I realise he doesn’t just look tired. His face is pale and there are circles under his eyes. I frown. ‘Are you OK?’
‘I’m fine. I’ve just been busy.’ But it sounds like there’s something he isn’t saying.
‘You haven’t been overdoing it out there, have you?’
‘Not really. But it’s looking good, though.’ Nathan smiles. ‘The hellebores we bought have dozens of flowers, and there are shoots coming up that I think are snowdrops…’
‘Wow.’ My eyes widen. ‘I’m impressed.’
‘My sister told me I needed to educate myself. So I have been.’
I wonder what’s happened to the planning appeal for the campsite. ‘So have you got any further with your plans for the land?’ When he stiffens, I know it isn’t good.
‘Nothing’s certain yet, but I’m talking to that builder I told you about.’ He sighs heavily. ‘You’re not going to be very pleased with me, Callie. I’m not exactly pleased with myself, but I’ve been finding it all quite stressful – and stress is one thing I’m supposed to avoid. The easiest solution is to build houses. They’ll be as environmentally friendly as it’s possible to be. I’m sorry. I know it’s far from ideal. But…’
‘It’s what you do.’ As I finish his sentence, disappointment wells up inside me.
‘The thing is, I don’t know what else to do.’ He looks troubled. ‘I agree with all your principles. It’s just that right now, I can’t find a way to make them work in practical terms.’
‘It’s OK.’ I shrug. ‘At least you tried.’
Getting up to leave, I’m aware of an awkwardness that wasn’t there before as I linger a moment. ‘Happy first Christmas in your new home.’
‘Happy Christmas,’ he says gently. ‘Come over sometime. I’ll show you what I think I’ve found in my garden, and you can laugh at me when I get it wrong.’
I hesitate before nodding. ‘OK.’
* * *
As tradition dictates, my sisters and I convene at our parents’ house. Rita and Sasha arrive the night before Christmas Eve, armed with bags of beautifully wrapped gifts. Their presence brings light to the house. With my mother busy in the kitchen, I catch a moment with them.
‘Mum’s a bit different,’ I say quietly. ‘Can’t quite put my finger on it. A little bit sentimental, I think you’d say.’
‘Mum sentimental?’ Sasha frowns. ‘Maybe she’s worried about Dad.’
I nod. ‘I think she’s more worried than she’s letting on.’
