Page 65 of The Shape of Your Heart
Some hours later, a nurse comes to find us. Her expression is grave, leaving us in no doubt how serious this is, but she tells us he’s stable, at least for now.
* * *
After driving Sasha and Rita back to my parents’ house, I can’t settle. ‘I’ll leave you here while I pick up some things from home,’ I tell them. ‘I won’t be long. Call me if you hear anything, won’t you?’
‘We’ll come with you,’ they say in unison.
But I tell them to stay put. ‘I’ll be fine on my own.’
It’s dark and I switch my headlights on, as I drive, thinking of my father, overwhelmed by this strange sense I can’t shake, an entrenched fear that we’re going to lose him. Tears fill my eyes, the road in front of me blurring, as suddenly I’m filled with a desire to see Nathan.
Slowing down, I turn around and head towards his house. I don’t know what I want to say, just that when all of us are so worried, I want a few minutes of the comfort his presence brings, the peacefulness his garden has.
When I turn into his drive, an unfamiliar car is parked outside. It’s a new BMW convertible – definitely not his sister’s. Telling myself I’m not going to jump to conclusions again, I park and switch the engine off. As I get out, the door opens and a woman comes out. Tall, with glossy brown hair, she’s wearing skin-tight jeans and ridiculous boots – actually not ridiculous at all – just the kind of boots I’d break my ankle in if I tried to walk in them.
In the doorway, I make out Nathan saying something to her before she tosses her hair over her shoulder and kisses him, full on, on the lips.
Shock knocks the breath out of me, before I feel a deep twisting sensation inside me. This is what Tanith warned me about. I’ve left it too long to tell him I like him. Now, he’s met someone else.
Tears fill my eyes as I hear Nathan’s voice call out through the darkness.
‘Callie…Wait…’
‘I’ll see you another time.’ I’m already stumbling back to my car, ignoring him as he hurries towards me. I start the engine and drive away.
I’m a fool, I tell myself, for even coming here when my father is seriously ill in hospital. I should be with my sisters, or with my mother. But as I drive back to my parents’ house, it feels like my life is falling apart around me. My father being ill, my parents selling up, Nathan meeting someone else… all happening at the same time. And I’m powerless. There’s nothing I can do about any of it.
When I see Sasha and Rita, as they take in my tear-stained face, they embrace me in a sisterly hug.
Sasha lets go first. ‘Come on. I’ll make you a cuppa. Alice called while you were out. She and Mum will be home in an hour or so.’
* * *
Ignoring Nathan’s texts, that night, alone in my old bedroom, I don’t sleep. I’m partly on alert for the sound of a phone call from the hospital. But also, I’m doing some serious soul-searching.
When Nathan and I are only friends and he’s free to see whoever he wants to, I don’t understand why seeing him with someone else hurt so much.
Lying there, I wish I could bring my trip to Spain closer. But with my father so ill, it isn’t an option. I have no choice but to stay in Cornwall and wait this out.
* * *
On New Year’s Eve, my father’s condition is no different. After spending the afternoon at the hospital, my sisters and I drive home.
‘Not exactly one to celebrate, is it?’ Rita says feelingly.
‘At least he’s stable,’ Alice tries to reassure us. ‘And Mum’s with him.’ Our mother has refused to leave his bedside.
‘Maybe we should have stayed.’ Sasha sounds anxious.
‘He needs to rest,’ Alice says gently. ‘We can see him tomorrow.’
‘But what if…’ Hearing my voice tremble, I break off.
Alice’s hand touches my shoulder. ‘One day at a time.’
* * *
We’re a sober group that evening. Raiding the fridge, we put together a meal of sorts from the food my mother so thoughtfully amassed and open some wine.
