Page 81 of The Shape of Your Heart
Sighing, he takes my hand. ‘I pretty much worked that out. It’s been weird for me, too. I really hope we can overcome this – but I understand if it’s too much for you.’
I swallow the lump in my throat. ‘Knowing you have Liam’s heart… it’s quite a lot to take in, isn’t it?’
‘It is.’ He gazes at me. ‘I really don’t blame you for being upset when you found out, but I genuinely had no way of knowing who the donor was.’
‘I realised that,’ I say. ‘Once I calmed down and thought about it.’
‘Thank you.’ A look of relief crosses his face, before he frowns. ‘It’s still odd, though, don’t you think? The way we met?’
‘Yes.’ I gaze at him. ‘But sometimes life is, isn’t it?’
* * *
Before Sasha and I leave for Spain, I join Tanith for a meeting of the Graveyard Groupies. In a pastel pink sweater, she looks deceptively demure – until she speaks.
‘I frigging can’t wait for you to go away. If I don’t have a break from her, I’m going to murder my mother.’
‘Only one week to go, Tanith,’ I remind her. ‘It isn’t long.’
‘Honestly, it’s going to be heavenly living at your place,’ she says.
‘Which reminds me. You need to come over so that I can tell you about my plants.’
She rolls her eyes. ‘They’re just plants. I mean I water them when it’s dry… that’s about it, surely?’
‘We had a deal, remember? And they are not just plants,’ I say firmly. ‘When you come over, I’ll explain.’
When only Joey turns up, I decide to confide in her. I tell her about Nathan’s heart transplant, and she looks at me sadly.
‘I think it’s rather lovely in a way. Even though Liam couldn’t have survived, he saved someone else’s life.’
As her words sink in, I open my mouth and shut it again. ‘I’m finding it weird,’ I say at last.
‘Of course you are.’ Joey looks sympathetic. ‘Real life is weird – and it’s also messy, painful, confusing, shocking, all at the same time. But when something good comes along, don’t you think we should grab hold of it with both hands and celebrate it?’
Not sure what she’s getting at, I turn to Tanith.
‘Joey’s right,’ she says quietly. ‘Maybe by the time you’ve done your walk, you’ll see why.’
30
NATHAN
There’s no question that knowing that my heart was once Liam’s has unsettled me. In an increasingly uncertain world, I try to streamline my life; to take each day as it comes; to stop and wonder at the simple things. Taking time out from work, I spend it in the garden, observing it come to life, finding seasonal hidden gems I didn’t know about. A clump of scented narcissi, the pale lemon of wild daffodils; the primroses that have colonised under one of the apple trees.
Knowing Callie will soon be going away, I think about going to see her – if only to wish her well.
‘Just call round there,’ Robin suggests.
But I’m hedging. ‘Callie’s…’ I start to say.
‘She’s what?’
‘I think we both need some time, right now.’
‘She probably feels terrible about what happened that day. If it had been me, I know I would.’
‘She does. She came round here and apologised,’ I tell my sister. ‘Not that she needed to.’
