Page 88 of The Shape of Your Heart
‘I’ve no idea.’ Not having children, it’s way off my radar.
She goes on. ‘What’s needed is somewhere fun – and subsidised. And safe,’ she adds. ‘But as far as I know, there literally isn’t anywhere.’
* * *
Back home, wondering if Diana has spoken to Callie yet, I call her.
‘Tanith is staying at Callie’s while she’s away. It seems Callie’s waiting for the ferry – as we speak.’
‘I never imagined she’d go on her own.’ Diana sounds anxious.
Like Tanith did, I try to reassure her. ‘She’s waited a long time for this. I think if she’d cancelled it, she’d have felt she was letting herself down.’
‘Stubborn, isn’t she?’ But Diana says it affectionately. ‘I suppose we all have to do what we have to. I just hope she’s going to be OK.’
‘I’m sure she will. And if it doesn’t work out, there’s nothing to stop her coming back.’
After switching off my phone, I lie back on my sofa and put my feet up, thinking of Callie, hoping she finds what she’s looking for. All of a sudden, I feel weary. But it’s been a busy few days. I need to remember to pace myself.
As I think about the campsite again, I go over the conversation I had with Tanith, wondering if it would be possible to integrate some kind of community project that addresses her problems. But whatever I do, if the business takes off, it’s clearly going be too much for me to do myself. Maybe it’s time to think about employing someone.
* * *
On Sunday morning I find myself drawn back to Callie’s house. I have an idea on my mind I want to talk to Tanith about.
‘It’s early days at the moment,’ I tell her as we sit down with mugs of coffee. ‘And the first time I applied for planning permission, it was turned down. But I have someone who’s going to submit the revised application for me. I’m hopeful this time it will be successful.’ I sip my coffee. ‘You said you live with your parents?’
She rolls her eyes. ‘Like I said, it’s a long story.’
I’m curious. ‘I have time.’
‘OK.’ She glances out of the window. ‘Fuck, they’re kicking the ball through Callie’s plants. She’s going to kill me.’
‘Don’t worry. Nothing’s really started growing yet.’ I think quickly. ‘You could bring them over to mine, if you like. There’s plenty of room to kick a football around.’
She looks startled. ‘Are you hitting on me?’
‘No way,’ I say quickly. ‘I promise. I have a large garden and it looks like your boys—’
‘They need fucking acres,’ she says eloquently. ‘Sorry to be so blunt. But I had to ask, you know – firstly, I don’t know you, but secondly, because of Callie.’
Itching to ask what Callie had been saying to her, I exercise admirable self-restraint as she tells me about losing her husband. She sips her coffee. ‘My dad is great, but my mother… We’re chalk and cheese. Basically, she’s never had to worry about money and she likes to remind me of my failings.’ She frowns at me. ‘Remind me why I’m telling you this?’
‘I asked. And because…’ A victim of circumstances beyond her control, Tanith’s exactly the kind of person I’d like to benefit from my project. As I tell her about the idea I’ve had, I watch her eyes grow round.
‘Fuck,’ she says at last. ‘You’re sure about this?’
‘Nothing’s definite,’ I say quickly. ‘But if it comes off, then yes, definitely. I’ll tell you more as soon as I know, but keep it to yourself for now, OK? And one more thing, too: not a word to Callie.’
33
CALLIE
The ferry pulls out of Portsmouth and as I stand on deck watching England fade into the background, a feeling of freedom comes over me. Breathing in the salty air, I feel the breeze catch my hair as for a moment I think of Liam.
It’s strange to be embarking on the trip we were going to do together. More so because so much has happened this last year. But it isn’t just about losing Liam and coming to terms with that. There’s my father’s illness. There’s meeting Nathan, too; the realisation that just when you think you know where your life is going, in the blink of an eye it can change.
It’s true what they say. Healing takes time. But embarking on this trip is quite possibly the most significant part, as if I’m crossing a line between the past I’ve lost and an unknown future, one I somehow know is waiting for me.
