Page 54 of The Shape of Your Heart
‘You should do this more often,’ Callie says quietly. ‘Just sit and be peaceful.’
‘I will,’ I promise. ‘This is looking so much better.’ I glance at the newly revealed bricks.
‘Cool, aren’t they? Next year, you could sprinkle some seeds into the gaps in between them,’ she says. ‘I’ll tell you what to buy – you only want tiny things, like daisies, or miniature herbs… Plants that will smell nice – as well as look pretty.’
‘Are you doing anything later? Or would you like to go out – maybe for dinner?’ I watch something – regret, maybe – flicker in her eyes.
‘I can’t tonight – I have plans.’
Given she’s hidden herself away for a year, I’m curious. ‘The Graveyard Groupies again?’
‘Not this time – though I saw Tanith last night.’ Callie frowns slightly. ‘She said something that made me think.’
I look at her quizzically. ‘Oh?’
She shakes her head. ‘I’m thinking out loud, really. We talked about loads of things – but one thing she said was how most people’s lives aren’t important because they don’t do anything significant with them.’
‘What?’ I look at her incredulously. ‘Isn’t it enough to be there for the people you love?’
‘I think she meant on a more global scale,’ Callie says vaguely. ‘I mean, she sort of has a point.’
‘Yeah, but it’s not like we’re all born an Einstein or an Aristotle or a Shakespeare. Most of us lesser mortals are destined to live much quieter, humbler lives.’
‘It got me thinking, though,’ she persists. ‘We all have innate potential and creativity. So what makes the Einsteins of the world different? It can only be that for some reason, they constantly pursue more. They must think in a different way, really use their time. But most of us aren’t driven that way.’
‘I agree with you on that.’ When I was ill, it had amazed me how easy it was to let hours drift by.
She frowns. ‘Anyway, after talking to Tanith last night, I didn’t sleep for ages. So I started reading about creativity. I’ve always linked it to books and art and architecture – gardens, even. But it’s more than that, isn’t it? It’s about a way of thinking.’
I’m getting left behind. ‘So why don’t we all use this creativity we have?’
She shrugs. ‘Habit? And because we’re so used to being told what we should do, we never question it.’ She stops. ‘A bit like you – doing what everyone else around here does, building more high-end eco-houses for second home owners.’
‘Until I stopped and thought about it,’ I say quietly. ‘Thanks to you.’
‘But you have thought about it.’ Her eyes meet mine. ‘I haven’t – not really; not until now. I mean, look at me. I have a part-time job in a bookshop, a garden I love, but that’s about it. Meanwhile my sisters all have amazing careers…’
‘We’re not all cut out to be cardiologists or therapists. And you’ve been through a tough year,’ I remind her. ‘It might not be the best time to make far-reaching decisions.’
‘Maybe not. I just feel like I’m re-evaluating things.’
‘Because you’ve lost someone,’ I say quietly. But I understand how an upheaval in your life can make you re-examine all kinds of things.
‘Probably.’ She’s silent for a moment. ‘The thing is, I’ve always loved my simple life. I still do – and it used to be enough. But now, I’m not so sure.’
* * *
She doesn’t tell me if there’s anything in particular she’s considering, but it’s clear she’s having a rethink. I see it as another sign that she’s working through her grief, imagining what to do with the rest of her life. And that’s how it goes, I contemplate, as I sit at my desk. We go through our lives in our own slightly blinkered way, until something happens that challenges the way we think, as Callie has me – though I still have to find a way of building a campsite that will benefit the lives of local people.
After speaking to Callie’s father’s friend and fixing a time to meet for lunch tomorrow, I drive over to Robin’s.
‘I haven’t seen you in ages.’ She looks mildly disapproving as she hugs me.
‘I’ve had quite a lot going on,’ I say vaguely.
‘The housing project?’ She raises an eyebrow. ‘How’s it going?’
‘I’ve had a change of plan. A major change, as it turns out.’
