Page 53 of The Shape of Your Heart
‘I got nothing,’ I say defiantly. ‘In well over a year, not a single thing. That’s how I know how final death is.’
‘What were you hoping for, exactly?’
‘I don’t know.’ I’m cagey. ‘The sound of his voice, an image or something. Anything really.’
‘Like a religious vision of our lady in Lourdes, you mean,’ she says sarcastically. ‘For what it’s worth, I don’t think it happens like that.’ She pauses. ‘Maybe your head is too full of other stuff and you need to tune out the noise of this world. When I want to, I find somewhere wild. I close my eyes and listen to the birds, or the wind in the trees. I feel connected. I can’t explain it any other way. It takes me way out of my tiny little bubble of a world.’ She flicks her hair back. ‘We should all do it. We’re just too bloody busy rushing through our days to make time.’ She goes on. ‘This last year has really shaken up your life. And now there’s this new guy – and incidentally, if you find love twice, you’re far luckier than most of us.’ She shrugs. ‘Call it coincidence, if you like. But there’s clearly a synchronicity in the way things are turning out.’
I look at her, baffled. Yes, I can see how different I am. ‘You’re not suggesting there was a point to Liam dying?’
Tanith looks horrified. ‘Of course I’m not. All I’m saying is sometimes things happen that are out of our control. And they change the choices we make going forwards.’
20
NATHAN
‘I spoke to my dad yesterday,’ Callie says the next morning when she turns up at mine. ‘He’s going to ask his friend to call you – his name is Nick.’
Since we’ve been starting to pull ideas together for this camping project, so far it seems to be happening seamlessly.
‘Thanks for doing that – and please pass on my thanks to him.’
She nods. ‘I will. Right. I’m going to finish pulling up that grass.’ Sounding purposeful, she points to the area of partly exposed brickwork that she’s suggested should become a seating area.
‘I have half an hour before I need to start work. I’ll help you.’
The satisfaction of the feel of damp earth on my hands is becoming familiar, as is the way the grass comes away in tufts, exposing the old bricks beneath that are another part of this house’s history. There’s something about being with Callie, too: her quiet resolve, her calmness.
‘You’re enjoying this, aren’t you?’ Her eyes twinkle as she looks at me.
‘I never thought I’d say this, but I am.’ Sitting back on my heels, I hold up my hands. ‘The old me wouldn’t have contemplated doing anything like this. But something about it feels therapeutic.’
‘Sounds like it’s working,’ she says mysteriously.
‘What is?’ I gaze at her blankly.
‘You thinking less about the future, and being more in the here and now.’
‘Some of the time, maybe.’ I smile at her. ‘I have to admit, though, there are normally far too many things rushing through my head.’
Coming over, she sits on the grass next to me. ‘Close your eyes.’
Frowning slightly, I do what she says.
She goes on. ‘OK. Take a deep breath, and hold it for a few seconds. Then very slowly, let it out.’ She pauses. ‘Keep doing it.’ A minute or so later, she says, ‘Let yourself listen to the sounds around you – the breeze, the birdsong and whatever else comes to you. Think about how many scents there are in each breath of air.’
As she talks, I feel my mind empty and a sense of calm come over me, as I forget about everything else except being here with Callie.
‘You can open your eyes,’ she says softly.
I open them to find her watching me curiously.
‘How do you feel?’
‘Quiet. Deeply peaceful.’
‘Good.’ She nods. ‘That’s what I mean about being in the moment.’
Aware of the time passing, I stand up, stretching. ‘It’s the last thing I feel like doing right now, but I really should work.’
