Page 75 of The Shape of Your Heart
‘Twice, Sash,’ I remind her. ‘We need to get back, remember?’
‘You know you said you’re hoping this walk is going to change things?’ She gazes at me. ‘Maybe you’ll overcome your aversion to flying.’
I open my mouth to argue back. But this, I realise, is part of the problem. If I want things to change, I need to keep an open mind; to be prepared for what right now is the seemingly impossible.
* * *
When my parent’s house is put on the market, after a flurry of viewings, it sells almost immediately. With two offers over the asking price, my mother is confused.
‘I thought people were supposed to make an offer under the asking price.’
‘Not these days, Mum.’ I look at her. ‘Luckily for you, there aren’t enough houses – especially in Cornwall. It’s a seller’s market.’
‘That’s what your father said. And I definitely don’t want us to sell it as a holiday home,’ she says firmly. ‘I want a family to live here.’
‘Maybe you should talk to the agent about it,’ I suggest.
‘You know, I think I will.’
True to her word, when she discovers the higher of the two offers comes from a couple who live in London and who only want the house for high days and holidays, after talking to my father, they opt for the lower offer.
‘I know to many people it doesn’t make sense,’ she says matter-of-factly. ‘But we’re still getting more than we thought we would. And it’s important to know it’s going to be a home to another family.’
When there’s a delay on moving into the house she’s found, she’s typically impatient. But while my mother’s organisational skills are second to none, it doesn’t enter her head that other people are not the same. ‘They’re telling me there’s a chain. It could be weeks, apparently. It really isn’t very good. I’m ready to move now.’
My father refuses to get drawn in. ‘I’ve told her, it will take as long as it takes.’
Astonishing as it is, everything bar their day-to-day essentials is packed and labelled, ready to go.
‘These things happen, Mum.’ I frown. ‘Why don’t you and Dad go away for a few days? Have a change of scene while this gets sorted.’
‘We can’t leave the dogs,’ she says dismissively.
As I drive home, I can’t help but wonder if her reluctance to go away is indicative of how she really feels; if moving is going to be more of a wrench than she’s letting on.
Letting myself into my cottage, the unopened letter is preying on my mind. Picking it up, I go over to the sofa, a strange feeling coming over me as, slowly, I open it. Unsure if I’m ready for this, I hesitate. But as I force myself to read it, a feeling of disbelief fills me. Then as I read it again, my blood runs cold.
Going over to the dresser, slowly I pick up the card Nathan sent me. Comparing the signatures, I freeze for a moment, as I take in what this means.
Grabbing my keys and running outside, I’m barely thinking straight as I get in my car. On the way over to Nathan’s, I’m shaking, crying, angry, all at the same time. I grip the steering wheel tightly, my head exploding with memories that until now I’d blocked out of the afternoon of what should have been our wedding day.
It’s a time we should have been joyously celebrating. Instead, I’d been paralysed by shock, overwhelmed by grief; trying to get my head around the fact that Liam had gone, that life as I knew it had changed for ever.
* * *
Lying on my bed, at some point I was aware of Sasha coming in and lying next to me. I remember her stroking my hair, one of her arms over me. A little while later, Alice came in. Crouching on the floor beside me, she took my hand.
‘Callie? I have to ask you something,’ she said quietly. ‘I know it’s the worst possible time, but it’s really important.’ I remember noticing the reluctance in her voice. ‘Did you know Liam had registered as an organ donor?’
Unable to speak, I nodded.
‘There’s a patient in severe need of a heart. If Liam’s is a match, it could save their life.’ She said it quietly. ‘As you’re his next of kin, I really need to know you’re OK with this.’
My body started to shake. Liam’s huge, generous, heart that was the essence of everything he was. The thought of it being removed was too graphic, too incomprehensible, too brutal.
‘Callie?’ she said gently. ‘What would Liam have wanted?’
‘He signed up for it,’ I sobbed, squeezing my eyes tightly, trying to staunch my tears. I was unable to give my assent to something that seemed so final. ‘It isn’t up to me.’
