Page 62 of Petals of Blue: Part Two
"I need to get this under control."
Violet watches me while I glare at the ceiling. She's thinking, and I'm preparing myself to listen to what she has to say. "Have you called Clara?"
Shit. "No. I don't know what I would say. No matter what, I feel like I'd be using her if I only talked to her about my issues."
We sit in silence for a few minutes, and in that time I can feel the tension rise in Violet. The last time we were in a similar position, she dropped the Clarence bomb on me.
"Ma, can I talk to you about something?"
My heart sinks, and my mind reminds me over and over again that Clarence is dead. Kevin shot him in the face. He's dead. He's dead.
"Bethany told the guys about your past..."
Just like that, my heart restarts then pounds in my chest. "What?! Why? When?"
Again my brain steps in and scolds me for freaking out. Bethany is the sweetest woman I have ever met.There's no way she would break my confidence without a good reason.
Violet wraps her arms around her knees and twists her lips. "A few nights after you went missing. She thought she might know something that could help them find you."
"How do you know this? Did she tell you too?Whatdid she say?" Motherfucking hell. This is why I would rather have kept all that shit to myself. Nobody needs to know any of it. One moment of guilt had me spilling my guts to best friends, and now the guys know.
Of course, they knew some stuff in high school, but definitely not everything.
Violet fidgets, glancing at me as I stand to pace the length of my bed. "I eavesdropped when Clara and Derrick brought me to see the guys."
"Youeavesdropped?!"Chill...Chill...Your voice is getting shrill.
In the time it takes for me to take a deep breath, Violet finds the words to break my heart. "Mom, why did you hide it from me?"
"I didn't hide anything from you, Violet. You were a child. There are things you didn't need to know." Internally, I cringe, knowing she won't appreciate those comments.
Except she doesn't push back on the thing I thought she would. "You were a kid too, Mom."
Mom.Twice now she's said that, and it feels like a hug.
I'm still standing, looking down at the sweet angel on my bed. Her blonde hair is in two braids down thesides of her head. They're messy from a night of sleep, but her eyes look clear and...hurt?
"V, what did Beth say?" I'm begging the universe for patience. I will not hold this against Bethany, but I really need to know what I'm dealing with. There was some fucked up shit I told my friends about.
"Violet," I say, voice tense with a tsunami of feelings rising to the surface.
Her bottom lip wobbles, making my hands shake. When her gaze collides with mine, my knees buckle a little. I know what she's about to say before she even opens her mouth, and it's really not what I’d like to hear. This changes things.
"Everything," Violet whispers, tears dripping from her lashes like this knowledge is too much to carry.
It is, which is why I never wanted her to know. This is too much. How do I manage this situation? Is there a parent handbook or some shit I can read?
Of course, what comes out is completely unhelpful. "You know eavesdropping is rude, Violet."
Eyes narrowing, she sits up taller as my hands land on my hips. We've squared off like this many times, but it's usually Violet on the defensive side. The tables really need to stop fucking moving.
"Why did you hide it from me? I thought we were closer than best friends or family? We're soul mates, remember?" Violet's volume rises steadily as she batters my bruised heart. "How could you hide yourself from me?!"
That stills me. "What did you just say?" I can't control the steel that has seeped into my voice. I can feelthe protective walls building around me. There have been times when Violet hits a nerve or a trigger for me, but this?
"You hide who you really are! I don't even know you!"
That does it. The shutters slam closed, and I draw my shoulders back. My chin lifts. "I'll be back in a bit."
