Page 63 of Petals of Blue: Part Two
With that, I snag my oversized sweater from the ground, slip some sweatpants on over my sleep shorts, and avoid looking at my kid. I need to leave. The tears are building. The emotions are making it hard for me to think clearly. I can't be trusted not to say something I regret.
She doesn't know me?
I'm choking on so much sadness I can't respond when Violet asks me where I'm going. Blinded by endless uncertainty, I don't see her running after me with a flip phone up to her ear as the apartment door closes behind me.
I fought so hard,so fucking hard, to chisel out a space for myself in my life. Figuring out who I am took so much effort, and it came with horrible guilt.
Violet is my world. I've given her every piece of me.
Except for one, because I knew,I fucking knew, it would make her view me differently.
I don't even know you.
Anything else would have hurt less.Anything.
I really thought I did a good job.
Forty-Four
JARED
Felix runs past my bedroom in a pair of jeans, a T-shirt in one hand, while the other holds his phone up to his ear. "Wait, slow down. What happened?"
The grogginess of waking up extra early vanishes with his words, and I'm immediately out of bed and grabbing yesterday's clothes off the ground. Declan rushes down the hallway too, and I hear Roman asking questions.
My heart beats wildly, and my mind is tumbling over all kinds of possibilities. I barely manage not to fall down the stairs as I hurry to catch up with the others. The sun isn't even up, and I'm more awake than I am after nine a.m. with two cups of coffee in my system.
"Speaker," Roman barks, forcing his feet into his winter boots.
Violet's voice rings out, sounding incredibly scared. "I said something I shouldn't have, and she justcompletely shut down! Then she left and didn't respond to me. Her eyes were all cloudy, and she was crying."
What did Violet say to make Blue react like that?Felix has a different question, though.
"When did she leave?" Felix grips his phone tight as he snatches his keys off the island.
"Mama's been crying so much lately. I made it worse! Oh my god. What if something happens to her again because of me?!"
"Violet..." Roman murmurs, sounding pained.
Part of me wants to know what Violet said to Blue because I'm pissed. But this is so complicated because there's this heightening protectiveness of Violet too. She hurt Blue, but Violet's also hurting.
"Don't pick sides," Declan whispers to me as Roman works to calm Violet down. We're standing at the back door, waiting for more information. Declan and I take a deep breath together. He's right, but damn.
"Alright, we're on our way. Stay there, okay?" Felix says softly, pulling me from my inner struggle. I don't like either woman hurting, but standing here thinking about it isn't going to help.
Violet agrees and says she'll call us if Blue comes home. I'm worried, but the lingering fear beneath it is hard to squash. It's a trauma response to think the worst is going to happen, isn't it?
During the entire drive to their apartment, I struggle with my thoughts. They're jumbled and all over the place. I manage to settle on finding comfort in the fact that there's no way we're letting her keep us at arm’s length anymore.
Felix is fuming, Roman looks ready to lecture, and Declan's eyes are narrowed. I'm counting on them to back me up when I tell her she's either moving in with us or we're sleeping over from now on.
I was planning on fixing up the primary bedroom—my room—for Blue this morning and going to see her later, but that's alright. If she comes home with us tonight, she'll just have to sleep with us in our beds. Or take Declan's room, which has been vacant more often than not lately.
Jumping out of the car and rushing through the doors of their apartment building, I lag behind the others. They seem to have a one-track mind that's pulling them to Violet, which is good. But someone needs to pause and look around.
Blue only left the apartment about fifteen minutes ago. There's a possibility that she's still here. The building is nice. Maybe she's in one of the reading corners they have set up, or at Declan's coffee shop. I still think it's crazy that the coffee shop opens at five in the morning.
The other three don't seem to notice that I'm not following as they bypass the elevators and run up the stairs. I do kind of question why they chose that route, but whatever.
