Page 18 of Petals of Blue: Part Two
Violet nibbles on her lip, looking to be on the verge of tears. One falls as she sniffs, but eventually she nods. "’Kay..." Violet whispers with a nod.
"Come here, darling," Clara coos out of nowhere. "Let's make some chocolate chip cookies and brainstorm where Blue might be, okay?" Derrick appears beside Clara and frowns. She swats him. "Hush. We can still help from the comfort of our home."
Renewed with purpose, Violet jumps up and heads toward Jared's mom. Before they disappear toward the kitchen, V spins around and looks the four of us in the eyes. "Please be safe. I can't lose you, too."
Fuck.I suck in a breath, unable to form words, as Felix promises to call her later tonight.
My heart hurts, but is so...full?How has Blue done this all on her own for so fucking long?
I need my woman back so she can tell me all about raising this thoughtful kid.
Thirteen
BLUE
Make it stop. Please. Please make the shivering stop. My muscles are screaming, begging for some relief. The tension in every atom of my body scares me. I have no idea how to relax when the temperature is doing its best to turn me into an icicle.
Losing myself in this shed is not my goal, but I can't see a way out. The nights are getting colder, and I swear my stomach acid is eating my insides.
If anyone were to coincidentally find me right now, I might feel a little bad about the sorry state of this place. Urine, vomit, and...other stuff have truly blanketed the stench of mold and dirt. I've attempted to contain my bodily fluids to one part of the shed, but the hurling has been uncontrollable at times.
I can't pinpoint what's really wrong with me when it feels like the answer could beeverything.Medical attention has been something I've always shied away fromunless it was for Violet. Spending money and adding to my records were not priorities for me.
This is one of those rare occurrences that I would literally beg for a fucking ambulance. Why, when I need help the most, is help nonexistent? This reminds me of a super fucked up version of when the guys abandoned me.
Back then, I was trying to rationalize why they left me, but I knew in my soul that I was alone. It was up to me to survive the last stretch of being a minor in an abusive household.
For a long time, I was hurting and hoping Roman, Jared, Declan, and Felix would come for me someday. They never did. So after a long ass time, all the heartache, starvation, and dehydration due to my depression went numb.
Everything hurts. The skin around each of my nails is red and stings like crazy. I can't stop biting them, though.
Weeks have gone by since my messages turned green on my threads with the guys.Weeks. Yet here I am, curled under my threadbare sheet, crying my eyes out, and holding my phone in front of my blurry gaze.
They have to respond.Right? Of course, they wouldn't just ghost me like this. We're best friends. Maybe more someday. Declan and Jared have been dropping some kinky remarks about reverse harems that piqued my interest.
Except without them in my life lately, my secret collection of Why-Choose romance novels has gone untouched. Aunt Linda would have a fit if she found my e-reader, so maybe it's best I retire that hobby. Especially now that it seems my happily ever after isn't going to happen.
Maybe it will, though. What if something happened, and they needed to push me away for a while to keep me safe?
Yes, I read a lot of grovel romance, and while I wholeheartedly believe the guys, and sometimes the woman, need to grovel, I still root for them. All we can ever do as human beings is try to do our best with the information we're given.
So, hopefully someone was threatening me, and the guys had to break all of our hearts to keep me safe.
I'm aware that's messed up to hope, but I really believe it beats the alternative: they never cared about me as much as I cared about them. Believing they left me for a good cause is better than thinking I'm alone for no reason. That the boys I felt safe with abandoned me to my Aunt Linda and her long line of predators.
Denial is a strong defense mechanism. As I lie here in my lumpy bed, I try not to think about the final text I received. My muscles ache with the tension that hasn't left my body in weeks. There have been a few more run-ins with Aunt Linda's nasty boyfriend, Clarence.
Moving here for this old asshole was a mistake, on so many levels, but I can't tell Linda that. I do prefer to eat.
The anxiety buzzing in my veins isn't only for that old man, though. I know in my heart that my worst-case scenario is actually my reality.
My mind, on the other hand, thinks this is the time to hope for a serial killer obsessing over me. I'd rather be inliteral danger and lose my best freaking friends than acknowledge that they ghosted me because they lied.
They don't love me. Jared doesn't actually think I'm funny. Declan would rather give his energy to his other friends and brother. Roman doesn't view me as a pretty flower to be protected and cherished. And Felix? He was probably just putting up with me because Roman was.
I'm nothing to them. Maybe my mind will finally accept that soon, so I don't feel like I'm being pulled in two different directions. They don't deserve excuses. I'm alone, and nobody's coming for me either way.
It's up to me to save myself, even if the guys do have a good reason.
