Page 19 of Petals of Blue: Part Two
If only I could numb myself again. This time, I feel like I have zero control over my reactions to the trauma I am living. Before, I could do something to find my motivation to live, but now I have nothing. No brownies, no alcohol, no small child showing up out of nowhere needing my help.
It's inhumane. Every single part of this horrid experience is utterly demeaning.Please, someone, save me.
I can't snack or drink my way out of this. There is nothing here to distract me from the scary fate of death that awaits me. All I can do is breathe and attempt to stay awake in case that bastard comes back and decides that tormenting me through the walls isn't enough anymore.
Just keep breathing.
Fourteen
JARED
I've been doing pretty decently at managing my emotions. Except when it comes to Levi. With him, I am definitely an asshole. That fuckwad touched my woman and now he's trying to be her hero.
It's probably for the best that Roman has been the one to keep in contact with Levi and Kevin because if it were up to me, I would flip my shit. Kind of like I'm on the verge of doing right now.
"Our plan is to check the surrounding gardens and nurseries," Roman explains and rolls his eyes. "Yes, I mean arboretums too. We aren't splitting up, though, just in case."
Their precious Petal will die with the rest of them...We're taking that to be a hint. Most flowers are dying in the fall weather, so our best bet is that Blue is being kept around a ton of them.
I hope.That has been the only idea we can come up with. Seems as though Levi doesn't have any better ideas than just to fucking question us.
I'm aware of the fact that I'm glaring daggers at Roman, but I can't help it. I don't want to be near Levi, and no matter how many times I tell myself that he and his husband can help, it still rubs me the wrong way.
Levi was in a relationship with the love of my life. He's closer to Violet than I am. Plus, he's handsome as fuck.Goddamn it, I'm jealous.
"I'll have the rest of the guys share their locations with the group. Can't be too careful. Yeah, I agree," Roman continues his conversation in the passenger seat beside Felix. That man cannot give up control for shit, but it's fine considering I'm one wrong word away from blowing a damn gasket. Nobody wants me driving.
Declan's bothering me, too. He's not even doing anything, but the mopey vibes he's giving off are irritating. My best fucking friend, who can match any and all wild energies, is a shell of himself. Rain beats against the window, painting a sad fucking picture as Declan gazes out of it.
We're two asscheeks in a pair of jeans. Normally, I can read his mind. He's a closed book now, one I'm not even sure Felix can read. Maybe part of my problem is less about Declan struggling and more about the fact that he isn't leaning on me.
As happy as I am for him and Felix, I miss my friend. I was his confidante before they became a couple. There's also the high probability that I'm being sensitive and needy. Is it petty of me not to reach out to him because he hasn't come to me first?
Well, Ihavebeen a dick, so I may have scared him off.Fuck, being emotionally aware is a pain in the ass.
With a deep breath, I tune Roman out, ignore the highway passing by the window, and turn to my friend. My knuckle pops as I crack my pointer finger with barely restrained nervousness. Sighing, I poke Declan's arm.
He doesn't seem to notice, so I do it again. No response or movement. Frowning, I make a fist and punch him a bit.
"Ow, what the fuck?" Declan fuckingbellows,making me cringe and swat him again. Roman shoots a glare over his shoulder, then apologizes to Levi on the phone.
"Jesus, Dec. That was a fucking love tap," I defend, watching as he rubs his bicep.
He narrows his brown eyes at me. "Why, Jared, why punch me at all?"
"I poked you twice and you didn't fucking notice. Like you haven't noticed me at all in days."Shit. I sound so damn sad.
"What's that supposed to mean?" Declan says, sounding confused and a little surprised. The front of the car has gone quiet, but Declan has no qualms about continuing this embarrassing conversation. "You've been in a feral rage for days, Jared. My approach to this situation is very different from yours, but that doesn't mean I haven't noticed you. Jesus, you're already difficult to ignorewithoutpicking fights and scowling at everything. To say I haven't paid you any attention is utter crap."
Shame coils in my gut, so I purse my lips to keep myself from spouting more bullshit. My goal isn't to make my friends mad; I just...I don't know.
"I stopped Levi from punching your teeth out, jackass. I'm right here, doing my best, and I know it's not enough, but this fuckingsucks." He slams his hand against his chest like he's trying to restart his heart. "I'm terrified, and sick to my stomach all the time. Cut me some slack.Please."
Of course, I can't keep my mouth shut, so I shove my foot right into it. "But you've been leaning on Felix to help you. That used to beme."
Kill me now.
Declan's mouth pops open in shock as his eyebrows shoot up. He hesitates, then the heavens open in the form of a grin on his stupid face. "He gives good head."
