Page 109 of House of the Raven
Seeing him stew gives me pleasure, but it leaves me terribly unsatisfied. Moreover, I suspect my behavior isn’t helping, as my strange, feverish dreams now feature him.
Each night follows the same pattern, from start to finish. It all begins with Bastien and me sparring, clashing our swords and moving around each other just as we did that evening. As the dream progresses, I find myself lost within Nido, frantically racing in search of Amira. I navigate through the labyrinthine rooms, acutely aware that if I don’t find her, she will die.
When I finally locate her, she’s in a broken pile, her gaze vacant as it fixates on the ceiling. She bears no wounds, no signs of physical harm whatsoever. Yet, no matter how much I shake her and beg her not to leave me all alone, she remains in an unbroken slumber, never stirring.
I wake up panting, and my nerves only settle when I see Amira in passing, if I see her at all. She seems bent on avoiding me. Otherwise, I remain in a constant state of anxiety, worried that I will lose my big sister, my confidant, my playmate, my shelter when things get tough, my advocate, my only connection to the family we once shared. My friend.
During the day, I sneak around the palace, searching for Orys in people’s faces, trying to find any hints that will alert me to his presence. I mingle among the servants, guards, courtiers, and council members, hoping to uncover the truth, but it’s all in vain.
“Everything all right?” I startle at the sound of Bastien’s deep voice.
I’m in one of the small, seldom-visited libraries, feigning interest in a book while my mind endlessly cycles through the same questions, grappling with the same lack of answers that has plagued me from the beginning.
I glance up and notice that I’m tapping my foot at the same time that I bite on my thumbnail, all my energy finding an escape through restless fidgeting.
“Sure, everything’s all right,” I want to say but what comes out is, “What do you care?” Angry at myself, I press my lips together into a severe line.
So far, I’ve managed to treat him with the same cold indifference that he uses on everyone else. I don’t want him to know that his aloof attitude even after what happened between us hurts me.
He glances toward the door as if concerned someone will come in. Reluctantly, he comes closer, pulls the chair across from me closer, and sits.
I set the book on my lap and close it, intrigued by this uncharacteristic behavior.
“I do care,” he says, his expression looking conflicted as if he’s lying or he’s finding it hard to admit.
My gut tells me it’s the former, but another part of me—my heart, I assume—wants to believe it’s the latter. Father always told me to listen to my instincts, so I do. Besides, why should I believe him when he’s only made my life harder since the first moment I met him?
“I’ll believe that when rapiers learn to wield themselves,” I say.
“I’m not supposed to be here,” he says.
I frown and shake my head, confused. “What do you—?”
He puts a hand up. “Let me explain.”
It goes against all my instincts to make this concession, but my heart wins this time, and I nod.
“The queen did… relieve me of my post.” He looks mortified at this.
“What do you mean?”
“She’s angry at me because I failed to keep you in Alsur. She ordered me to fix it and sent me to get you after the Romani woman gave you away. But I failed there, too. So she demoted me. I’m supposed to be mucking the stables.”
My mouth is hanging open. “Uh… h-how are you here then?”
“The chain of command is long and Nido is a big place,” he says by way of explanation.
He means that there is an excessive number of intermediaries between my sister and the individuals who issue direct orders to ordinarysoldiers. Those at the pinnacle of the hierarchy are aware that Bastien has been relegated to the stables, but somewhere in the chain of command, communication has broken down, and no one in the lower rungs either knows or cares about my detail. In addition, Nido’s vast size compounds the problem. Anyone who might recognize that something is amiss is unlikely to cross paths with us, which also explains why Bastien consistently lags far behind me. It gives him ample time to hide or pretend he’s doing something else should a superior possessing full knowledge of the situation happen to come along.
I sit stunned into silence for a long moment, then finally ask, “Why are you doing this? If they find out, you’ll be in a heap of trouble.” Is he really risking his military career for me? No. Why would he do that?
He shrugs. “I highly doubt it. Your sister seems too preoccupied with other matters. I don’t know what, but after what she did to the king, I just…” He shakes his head, unable to find the words. “I’m supposed to follow orders,” he continues, “and I did that to keep you safe, even in Alsur. I thought you would be out of harm’s way since your father wanted you there, then I met Don Justo and realized I was wrong. Now, I’m disobeying Amira’s orders for the same reason. That sorcerer is out there still or maybe here in Nido. But of course, no one is going to find him if your sister is in league with him. She … I don’t know. I’m sorry. It’s not my place.”
Wow, I never knew he could speak so many words at once!
“Please,” I say, “keep going. My sister what?”
His dark gaze roves around the room. “It’s nothing specific. It’s just she’s up to something. Emerito as well. He searched your luggage before it was loaded onto the carriage the day we departed to Alsur.”
