Page 67 of Fake it 'Til Christmas
Soren: You haven’t threatened to take away the ficus in 48 hours.That’s progress.
Winnifred: I wouldn’t take Fifi away—she needs both parents to raise her.By the way, the Halloween photos just went semi-viral.
Soren: How semi?
Winnifred: Like, “a lifestyle blogger added us to her mood board” semi.
Soren: Does this mean we won Halloween?
Winnifred: Probably.I knew the lobsters would work.
Soren: So, what’s your week going to look like?
Winnifred: I’ll be frosting cupcakes tomorrow.
Soren: I’d help, but I’m in a meeting about shipping logistics.
Winnifred: Trade you.You take the piping bags.I’ll take international freight.
Soren: Helena posted a reel calling us “autumn soulmates.”
Winnifred: Send link.I need new proof for the vision board.
Soren: We have enough.
Winnifred: It’s never enough when you want to reach fake perfection.Also, thank you for the basket of Halloween candy.
Soren: It’s the least I can do when we’ve been apart for so long, and you’re alone caring for our baby ficus.
Winnifred: Fifi, her name is Fifi.We had to name her, or she would’ve developed a complex.Also, I need three pics of us smiling and one of us looking like we just got engaged.
Soren: For what?
Winnifred: Mom wants them.I told her to wait for our photo shoot, but she keeps nagging.She needs something to circulate on Winterberry’s social media.This gives me Howler points.
Soren: Can you just send a picture of the ficus?By the way, you haven’t said anything about the plane ticket.
Winnifred: Because I’m ignoring it.I’ll fly coach.
Soren: You’re flying first class.It’s efficient.
Winnifred: It’s emotionally manipulative and exactly the kind of thing my fake boyfriend would do to win me back.
Soren: We haven’t broken up.
Winnifred: Exactly.So, what are you planning to do that requires future groveling?
Soren: You’re spiraling.
Winnifred: You’re deflecting.
Soren: You’re inventing a breakup just so you can be right about how badly I’ll apologize.
Winnifred: I like to be prepared.For damage control.Emotional triage.The whole theatrical aftermath.
Soren: Win.You’re already planning the apology tour, and I haven’t even fucked up yet.
Winnifred: Yet.
