Page 60 of Ecstasy
Him:Now.
Him:You can’t just kiss a guy at a funeral and then ghost him. That’s pretty macabre.
I laugh a little out loud at that and then realize, belatedly, that Kylie is still going on about pharmacy schools because she trips over her words and I look up, embarrassed that I wasn’t listening.
But she’s staring at my phone with a smirk. “You and Alex made up?” she asks me, seemingly uncaring that I missed half of what she was saying. Her brow is furrowed, and she looks a little uneasy asking about him.
Again, I think about Eli’s text.
Glancing down at my screen, I wonder what to say to Alex. Maybe I should confront him and Kylie both. Or I could just tell her about what’s going on with Eli.
Yeah, no. Never mind. I can’t tell her that if she’s already talking to Alex behind my back. Besides, she probably still hasn’t gotten over the fact that I told her I blew another guy.
I clear my throat, flip my phone over, leaving Alex on read. Well, not literally. My read receipts are turned off because I’m not a psychopath.
“No, no,” I tell her, drumming my chipped black nails on the table. I’ll have to fix that shit tonight, when I’ll probably be alone and drunk watchingYou, or some other disturbing shit. As if my life isn’t bizarre enough. “It’s uh, just a dude from my philosophy class.” Wow. I’m turning into a full-blown liar.
Kylie waggles her brows at me. “Care to share?” she asks me, then takes another sip of her smoothie.
I feel myself blushing, but obviously not because of the non-existent guy I just made up. And I kind of do want to share. I sort of want to talk about Alex Cardi, just like I want to talk about Eli Addison. I want to tell her that something is seriously wrong with me. I wish I could tell her I’m having a hard time staying on top of my drug use again, and that I’m so scared I’ll end up alone for the rest of my life, mostly because of my own poor decision-making skills.
I wave my hand, shaking my head. “No, it’s nothing, really.”
She doesn’t look like she believes me, but she lets it go, and she even does me a favor and changes the subject. Glancing down at my nails tapping again against the table she asks, “You gonna eat anything?”
Eat?The thought kind of startles me, but I guess it is lunchtime. I haven’t had an appetite in days, between all the Adderall and the Xanax or cough syrup to knock me out when it gets too late.
The idea of eating right now is an unpleasant one. My mouth is dry, and I’m pretty sure food would taste like ash.
I shake my head raking my hand through my hair. Which needs washing.
“Oh, no. I’m not hungry.”
Kylie takes a slurp of her smoothie, but she’s eyeing me suspiciously. I don’t like it. I squirm a little in my seat and then realize that makes me look guilty as hell. My next anxious instinct is to pick up my phone and beg Alex to come save me, but that would make me look weak. Instead, I reach for a subject change.
“How long have you and Ian been dating?”
This is, apparently, the right thing to ask. They were together before I moved into the apartment, and I never bothered to ask because I’m a selfish bitch.
Kylie grins so hardmyface hurts, just watching it. Her fingers flex against the plastic of her smoothie cup, and she ducks her chin, laughing a little.
It’s amusing and kind of annoying at the same time. Annoying only because I’m fucking jealous. If anyone knows anything about me at all, it’s for that stupid video, and the fact that I’m Alex Cardi’sgirlfriend.
Basically, I’m the tit girl.
It’s college, of course, so no one really cares all that much about who you are if you aren’t at the top of the totem pole, but still. Kylie Jones is definitely not the tit girl, even though hers are much bigger than mine, even on her small frame. She’s the future pharmacist girl. The smart girl.
Ian’s girl. More like, he’s Kylie’s boy.
“Since the end of last year,” she tells me, still cheesin’ like a fool. She props her chin on her hand and bats her lashes. “He asked me to be his girlfriend under a Christmas tree.”
That makes me think of my mother which is kind of heart-warming and obnoxious all at once. Jealous.“Oh, wow. Like, an outdoor one or a fake or…?”
She laughs, clamps a hand over her mouth then speaks through her fingers. “My parents’ tree. He asked them first. If he could date me.”
My eyes almost bug out of my head. “Wow. That’s uh… That’s something.”That’s disturbing.
She is smiling so hard I swear she’s going to split her cute round face in two. “Yeah, it’s my favorite holiday and he knew my dad would want to be asked, so,” she shrugs, “he asked them, then me.” Her voice kind of goes up at the ends, like a squeak.
