Page 25 of Be Your Somebody
“Asher can hook up with whoever he wants. I could give two shits about what that man does and who he does it with.” Bri’s voice sounds sure, but her body language screams otherwise. Her shoulders curl into themselves, and you can feel a hint of defeat and disappointment radiating off her body. I let it drop for now, knowing there’s a time and place for pushing Bri.
We ended up at another bar down the road from Aces and had a blast. UnlikeAces,this bar has karaoke, a personal fave of mine. So, while Bri flirts with every man in the bar, I’m on stage giving the performance of my life. Bri often asks me why I can sing karaoke without a problem, but when it comes to my own music, I freeze. And every time I tell her that my songs are a representation of what I’m feeling and going through. Sharing those with the world is equivalent to someone being able to read my every waking thought. Plus, I’m not bearing myself to the world when I singIronicby Alanis Morissette.
At some point in the evening, someone puts out a tip jar and I end up making a hundred and fifty dollars. I plan to take that money and donate to my local rehabilitation center for addictions, something I’ve been doing for years. I normally donate a good chunk of my paycheck to different organizations each month, but for obvious reasons, substance abuse issues are near and dear to my heart.
I think about Cas and everything that went down. A huge part of me wants to forgive everything. But if I want things to change with Cas, I need to put myself first.
Chapter 17
Avery
Best friend bootcamp item one: play at the playground.
Nineweeks.It’sbeennine weeks and I’m still waiting on Cas.Men.You set boundaries with them and they get butt hurt.My feet move around the kitchen in a frustrated blur when a knock interrupts me mid-stride. I make the short walk from the kitchen to the front door. When I open it, Cas is on the other side.
His hair is an unkempt mess like he’s been running his fingers through it. One wavy tendril rests against his forehead and my fingers ache to touch it. He's dressed in a navy shirt, black jeans, and his favorite black Converse. My gaze travels upwards and notice he has an adorably nervoussmile on his face. Cas taking his time has been fueling my anxiety. Maybe he didn’t forgive me for all the hurtful things I said to him. Maybe the damage is done and there’s no coming back from it. My mind keeps spiraling, but then Cas’ words snap me out of it.
“I know. I took my time. I’m sorry. I’ve wanted to come so many times in the last month—"
“But?” I interrupt. My anxiety sits heavy in my throat as I wait for his response.
“I took what you said seriously. I spent a lot of time coming up with a plan to show you that this time is different. That I'm different. My trash can is an avalanche of one bad idea after another. Everything had to be perfect because you deserve to know how much you mean to me,” he says.
Damn it, my heart is swooning. Why does Cas have to be so charming and considerate?
I let out a long sigh before speaking. “I’m sorry. I jumped to conclusions. You gotta admit, two months is a long time to wait for someone. I thought you…I thought you changed your mind…”
“I would never change my mind, but I get why you thought that. I promise I didn't mean to take so long. I went to Asher for advice on how to get you back. Well, after he chewed my ass out for my toxic behavior. Remind me not to get on his bad side." Cas laughs while rubbing the back of his neck—a tell that he's nervous.
“Asher Larson?” I ask, completely stunned.
“Yeah. He said you knew him,” Cas responds.
“Oh I do. I just didn’t realize you guys were friends.”
“It surprised me too. The amount of times he kicked my ass out of his bar, I thought he'd always hate me. He's a good dude. He told me I fucked up with you one too many times. He told me to get my head out of my ass and remind you of what our friendship used to look like.”
“Smart man. So, why are you here?”
“Got any plans right now?”
“No, I—" was all I got out before he dragged me to his car. “Wait, where are we going? Am I even dressed okay? What’s going on?” My questions are coming out in rapid succession.
“You’realwaysdressed okay. We’re going to the park like we used to,” he says matter-of-factly.
“The park? Wait, why?” I ask, dumbfounded.
“All part of my plan to fix our friendship,” he repeats as if I should know what that means. I notice a piece of paper in Cas’ other hand. My attempt to read what it says fails because he quickly tucks the piece of paper into the pocket of his jeans. My frustration only lasts a second when I see the giant grin on his face. There’s this sense of determination in how he looks at me, with his hands on his hips and his face looking confident. I haven’t seen Cas look like this since we were kids.
We stand in a semi-awkward silence, mostly on my end, until he chuckles before opening the passenger side door, waiting for me to get in. I do and watch as he rounds the outside of the vehicle, getting in himself. He’s still wearing that goofy grin, and my heart melts like a snowman against the summer sun.
We’re all buckled in when Cas moves closer to me and my mouth goes bone dry. I can feel my pulse in my throat. “What are you—" I ask before he shifts his body, grabbing something from the back. He puts it in my lap and I just sit there, ogling him. It isn’t until he clears his throat that I look down. His camera?
"Wow. I haven’t seen this in ages. Wh-why are you giving it to me?”
“Not giving it to you, Aves. I need you to hold onto it until we get to the park. I don’t want it shifting around in the back seat.” This is the second time he’s used this nickname, but it doesn’t make me as angry as when he first used it.
I can’t help but feel conflicted about everything as we make our way to our destination. I’m desperate to believe things are different this time. That this time he’ll remain sober. I’ve waited forever and a day for the old Cas to come back. I pine for the compassionate, kind, and loving boy who meant everything to me. But him taking his time coming to me gave all the ammo my anxiety needed to go off the rails. My heart threatens to leap out of my chest and fall at his feet, declaring my love for him. I want nothing more than to beg for him to not fall back into his old patterns, but now isn’t the time. Instead, I choose to look out the window. I must have been lost in my thoughts because the sound of a throat clearing has me jolting out of my seat.
