Page 29 of Kayden: The Past
“I want to get the fuck out of Cleveland. I need a change. There are too many memories and temptations.”
I sat there and stared at her. “Where do you want to go?”
“I don’t care, out of state. A fresh start for us.” She sat down next to me on the couch. “I need this. I can’t walk into this apartment anymore. I think of the baby and all the happy memories we would’ve had and never will.”
“Okay, sweetheart. I don’t know where we’ll go or what I’ll do. We have to be able to survive.”
“My friend Trish called yesterday while you were at work. Her husband is the manager for a cable company in St. Louis, and they’re looking for installers. You’d be a contractor and basically be your own boss. She said there’s a lot of money in it. We should go there.”
“St. Louis? What the hell is in St. Louis?” I asked. I had dreams of Florida and warmth, not another Midwestern state covered in snow.
“All I know is it’s not here, and you’d have a job waiting for you.”
How could I say no? There really was nothing to hold us here. My mom had Joe and his family, and Danielle hadn’t talked to her mother in ages. The rotten woman never even bothered to come around when we lost the baby. She didn’t give a fuck about her daughter.
“I guess we can go there if that’s what you want.”
“I want it, and I’m not going to change my mind either.” She looked at me with a face of stone. I didn’t have a reason to change her mind. If it didn’t work out, we could come back to Cleveland. It would always be our home.
“I’ll call her husband and find out about the job. See if it’s really worth going to St. Louis, okay?”
“Yes. You’ve made me happy today, Kayden.” I wanted to make her happy every day, but it was exhausting lately.
Danielle and I made love that day for the first time since the loss of our baby. It was slow, gentle, and face-to-face. I needed that physical connection with her, and the hole in my heart closed a little. I loved my wife and would go to the moon and back for her, but I was just as heartbroken and damaged as her.
Everyone seems to forget about the father of the lost child. I didn’t carry the baby, but I had just as much love and emotion tied up in the loss of it. The Danielle who captured my attention long ago was no longer there. The façade was the same, but her insides had changed forever. She didn’t look at me with the same sparkle, and her face didn’t light up when I walked into the room. I hoped the change of scenery would help put the spark back in our relationship and help us feel like a couple again.
