Page 54 of The Life We Almost Had

But home was nearly three thousand miles away and rest was the last thing I felt like. I rubbed the back of my neck, digging my fingertips hard into knotted muscle. The doctor made his checks and told me nothing had changed. I could tell by his tone he thought this was bad but I was grateful things weren’t worse.

Minutes after he had left the room, the door swung open again.

‘Mrs Curtis?’ The man hovering in the doorway had pale skin and green eyes that peered at me from behind round, rimmed spectacles. He also had a comforting British accent. His beard was speckled with grey and I’d have guessed that he was in his forties. I didn’t think that I had met him before, but there had been so many people passing through Adam’s room I had lost track.

‘Yes.’ A ripple passed through me. A knowing that my life was about to change once more.

‘I’m Dr Chapman. Oliver. Can we talk?’

‘Yes.’

He glanced at the nurse. ‘Shall we go somewhere? The cafeteria?’

‘I don’t want to leave Adam.’

‘I think it would be best if we were somewhere private.’

There was something about him I trusted. Perhaps he reminded me of England. I kissed Adam and told him I would be back soon and followed Oliver out of the room before spinning around and rushing back to Adam’s side. I fished my grandad’s coin out of my purse and left it on Adam’s bedside table. If he woke, he would know I had been thinking of him.

We walked in silence. The smell of bacon drifted down the corridor to greet us and I felt a hot, fierce longing for home. For Sunday brunches in our local coffee shop, mopping up beans with thick white bread. Steaming cappuccinos in paper cups and slabs of carrot cake with cream cheese icing carefully packed in a box to take home. I was overcome with a feeling of light-headedness. I steadied myself against the wall as Oliver looked at me with concern.

‘Let’s sit.’ He guided me to a table. I shook my head when he passed me the menu. I didn’t have the wherewithal to read. ‘You must eat.’ ‘Anything will do.’ Food had lost its taste. Rather than questioning me further, he nodded and strode over to the counter, returning minutes later with scrambled eggs on toast and a mug of tea.

He waited until I had finished eating, laid down my knife and fork and pushed my plate away before he spoke.

‘Mrs Curtis.’ He removed his glasses and rubbed the bridge of his nose.

‘It’s Anna.’

‘Anna.’ Again, a few seconds of silence. ‘I’m so sorry about your husband—’

‘Adam.’ I wanted to make him real, not a number or a surname. A person.

‘I understand Dr Acevedo has talked to you about Adam’s prognosis—’

‘I don’t… understand.’ I was trying to be strong but nevertheless my eyes filled with tears. ‘There must be a way to wake Adam up?’ I plucked a serviette from the table and wiped my cheeks.

‘I’m so sorry but there isn’t. I’m from the Chapman Institute for Brain Science.’ He slipped his glasses back on, hooking the arms behind his ears. ‘We’re a research centre based at the north of the island. A collaboration of scientists, engineers, mathematicians and physicists. We explore the most challenging scientific questions.’

‘Right.’ I twisted the serviette in my fingers, not sure how this was relevant to me.

‘We’re intent on unravelling the secrets of the brain.’ He leaned forward, his eyes shining. ‘I’m confident that over time we can improve treatments for neurodegenerative diseases like Alzheimer’s, and brain disorders such as autism and schizophrenia.’

‘How?’

‘Various means. We have advanced technology, the best equipment at our fingertips. We know the human brain has at least 133 different types of cells and each cell has a distinct function. They work together to give sensory input, motor function and ultimately consciousness. By studying subjects—’

‘Wait.’ My tone was sharp. ‘Please don’t tell me you want me to give you Adam to study? His brain toexperimenton!’ I leapt to my feet, my chair toppling over with a clatter. ‘You want to cut him up.’ I was furious.

‘No!’ He stood, waving his hands. ‘God, no. Sorry. I’m not good with words. Scientists often aren’t. Please sit.’

‘I don’t think—’

‘Five more minutes. Please.’

I looked pointedly at my watch before I sat back down and crossed my arms.

‘At the Institute we’re explorative. Open-minded. Science doesn’t – it can’t – yet explain everything. Just recently we discovered two new types of neuron in the human brain that… Sorry, I’m going off track. There are many things we understand and many things we don’t. Consciousness is something we don’t fully – might never fully – understand. Adam is in a coma but does that mean his mind is a blank space? Can he assess his memories right now? What does he feel? Is there nothing or is there something?’

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